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Of all the fantasies couples choose to act out, inviting another person into your bed is the one most guaranteed to go wrong – and most likely to have negative effects on your long term relationship. I wont bore you by trying to explain what a threesome is because I assume you already know. But, for the sake of being sure I would try to explain what it means “a sexual activity involving three people 

There are certain things you need to know about considering or having a threesome. 

  •  You feel jealous: The obvious, most glaring reason threesomes backfire is that couples who love each other usually have a hard time seeing their partners with someone else. Most of us are pretty territorial about relationships and our partners and not used to sharing them. No matter how much you've imagined it, you can't really prepare yourself for what it feels like to watch someone else kiss or touch someone you love.
  • Threesomes are awkward: The fantasy and reality are usually miles apart because things always go a lot smoother in our heads than it does in the bed. No-one really knows who's supposed to do what to who or when when you first have a threesome. Polite couples can find it turns into a: 'No, you go', 'No, no, you go'. Meanwhile, the third person's rolling their eyes and examining their nails. Sure, you've made love with your partner before but you've not had them watch you from a distance. They've felt what you do but not seen what you do: what if you look fat, silly, decidedly unsexy? And what if the third person thinks that killer signature sex move your partner loves is rubbish? Will they then think you're bad in bed? Performance anxiety is common for both men and women – especially if you're not terribly experienced.

  • No one wants to be the one doing all the work: Most of us cast ourselves in the taking role when we imagine a threesome. And get a bit put out when we realize this isn't necessarily the case.

  • He can't rise to the occasion: Men often feel under so pressure to perform with two women and can't get an erection at all. His sexual confidence is shattered to smithereens (What on earth does he tell the lads?) and the ramifications can be dire.

  • Performance anxiety is common for both men and women – especially if you're not terribly experienced: The best way to ensure impotence isn't recurring is to forget about the time he had a one-off problem. Pretty hard to forget about this one!

  • She seems to like it a little too much: Men often fare worse in threesomes for lots of reasons. Lesbians consistently rate highest for the group most happy with their sex life. Watching your wife or girlfriend have more – or more intense orgasms – with a woman than she's ever had with you is another nail in the coffin of sexual confidence.

  • It's not all about you: If it's a male/male/female combo, watching your boyfriend or husband interact with another man can also be quite a shock. In your fantasy, both the men focus on you. (That's sort of the point, after all!).

    'I watched my man's hand reach over to grab the other guy and then lean forward for a kiss and I was so shocked I've never recovered. I had no idea the two men were going to interact as well!' is a common reaction. Even if you can handle it, thoughts of 'is he bi-curious or secretly gay?' can plague you afterwards.

    Three is an odd number: There's three of you in the bed, not two or four, so one person will sometimes feel left out – and start getting paranoid. Do they fancy the new person more than you? Are they enjoying themselves more with them than they do with you? Is this person better in bed? Is the new person acting like your partner's the best thing in bed since the vibrator? Catch a glimpse of chemistry between the two of them that's missing in your relationship and suddenly it's not half as much fun. Lots of people are well aware of this and find themselves inhibited for fear of upsetting their partner. And if you can't let loose and enjoy yourself, what's the point?

    Even if you've both agreed to have a threesome, lots of people say the 'trust bond' is broken after it.

    If the threesome was with someone you know, any future contact could now been seen as a desire for a repeat performance or that your partner's secretly fallen for them and wants to leave you for them.

    Some people do fall in love with the third party and ditch their partner for them. It doesn't happen often but it does happen, particularly if the person is a friend.

    Lots of people feel guilty, cheap or disgusted with themselves afterwards. Sometimes, those feelings kick in during it: once you've had an orgasm, your mood can very quickly change from sexy to sordid. Surely safer to stick to a twosome, which is far more likely to produce a post-coital glow rather than post-coital cringe! The next time you consider or think of having a threesome think of all these. 

Dominic C.C (ISMN)


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