Why Your Relationship Is Not Working


I’ve always wanted to write things that I have seen up close, felt and understand pretty well. This is because it ushers me into a much preferred way of x-raying properly before writing. One of my friends (don’t try guessing because I have lots of friends - lol) has been in 6 different relationships all in not more than a space of 3 years. Which begs me to ask the question, why so? This might come as a surprise but it is very much true. I bet he would laugh himself to the floor when he reads it, but on a serious note Why Is Your Relationship Not Working? 

Whenever people meet, some sort of a relationship is formed. This can be defined as ‘any connection, involvement, or association between two people, regardless of its source. It can be permanent: by blood or it can be transitory: friends, lovers.’  The aim of a relationship then is to provide intimacy, social integration and opportunity for nurturing. Caldwell and Peplum as cited by Ike Ndolo in Interpersonal Communication asserts that for women, friendship serves the primary function of the “sharing of feelings.” While for men, however, friendship is oriented “more towards the sharing of physical activities” such as playing football, tennis and crawling drinking parlours. There are components that are critical to interpersonal communication which includes Sensitivity, Self disclosure, Trust and Risk. 

To understand why your relationship isn’t working, then you need to know and come to an understanding of the kind of lover you are. John Alen Lee in 1974 shows an exegesis on love styles. 
  1. Eros Love – concerned with physical beauty, physical attraction, tactile stimulation and sex.
  2. Manic Love – consists of extreme heights and lows. The love is jealous and obsessive, Love of passion and extreme hatred, lover goes from peaks of ecstasy to depths of despair, such are read about in romantic novels
  3. Ludus Love – sees love as a game, love is entertaining and exciting, ends when it isn’t, intimacy is not desired, no extreme or exclusive attachments are wanted, lover rarely dates one person too often, sex is for fun, no commitment and emotional attachment
  4. Pragma Love – it is practical and traditional. Lover looks for social qualities in his/her potential lover, seeks compatibility and looks for practical criteria (generally on the similarity principle) starts on the practical level but grows in intensity 
  5. Storgee (Stor-Gay) Love – lacks passion and intensity, sees love as a peaceful, slow moving process, lover looks for a life that is predictable and reasonable, lover wants marriage, family and a home. Please note that this style of love isn’t same sex in nature it is merely the pronunciation.   
Poor listening accounts also for many breakdowns between people and relationships. Good listening is therapeutic (heals). It improves relation with other. It is however, not automatic or by reflex action. It is a complex process that requires effort, energy, skills and active involvement. If a relationship must work then the both parties needs to LISTEN to each other. Be careful then the type of relationship you go into, except you want to be treated as a child’s toy to be picked when needed only to be quickly thrown to a corner when no longer relevant or outgrown. 

Dominic C.C (ISMN)

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